She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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