My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
