4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize