why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Randomize
