Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
