my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hippo gnu deer
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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