so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
