WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
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