with your own penis?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
