my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
