you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
