I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
