I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
