people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
