shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
