he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
