I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
