So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
The Olympian is in my bed
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize