I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
