Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
