So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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