Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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