If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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