well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
