No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
