Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
