She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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