Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
