The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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