Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
