Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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