I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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