hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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