So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
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