I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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