franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
