She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
