I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
