Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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