i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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