I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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