Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize