i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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