STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
