Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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