It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
