we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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