video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
