MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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