If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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