She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
