If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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