there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
