Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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