I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm bleeding and have questions
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
