There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize