I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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