Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
