now i know why i became what i already was.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
