I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
