I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
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