I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
