T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
