return my video game
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
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