it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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