There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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