u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I have surprise drugs for everyone
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
