It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
