my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
