Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
