people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
