Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
