well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
