You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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