i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
