My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
