I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i barfeds in our rink
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
