I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize