Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
so explain again why im purple
no
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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