How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
