I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
