my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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