She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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