i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
