i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Are we still banned from the library?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
