I can tuck mytits in my pants
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
