Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
