its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
