ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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