BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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