Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
