first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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