I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
