Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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