please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
